this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
