I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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