I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize