I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
