Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It was confusing and full of hummus
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
