final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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