So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
