maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Randomize
