I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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