Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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