why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
