Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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