That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
