and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
These tits shall not be calmed
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
