I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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