I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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