I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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