you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
