I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
