all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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