Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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