Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
