I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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