Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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