She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
