Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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