it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
