She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
