I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
