he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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