I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
