Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
