I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
