I wanna bring you to show and tell
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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