I love black thongs
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
