TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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