Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
