did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
