Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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