new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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