I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
