i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Randomize