Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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