After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
