So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
