Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
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