we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
my being single is dangerous.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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