gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
