Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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