I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm at about main and main street
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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