It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
