I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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