xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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