You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize