There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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