I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
it was like his penis was on wheels.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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