I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize