think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize