Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
