If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Randomize
