so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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