I need help removing her.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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