he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
