i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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