Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
