I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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