I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
