just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
