Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize