There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
