i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
