i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
