Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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