ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
