He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
