did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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