So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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