You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize