were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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