i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize