I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
