If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
